


you can always try

by heart_nouveau



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: F/F, Grief/Mourning, Pre-Relationship, Prompt Fill, Slice of Life, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:21:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26429308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heart_nouveau/pseuds/heart_nouveau
Summary: “Crying’s okay, you know.” Andy’s eyes were clear and remote as she gazed off into the yard. “Grieving by cutting off your hair, painting your face, tearing your clothes, and wailing. Singing funeral songs. Those are all things I’ve done when I lost people close to me.”
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia & Nile Freeman, Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Nile Freeman
Comments: 8
Kudos: 82





	you can always try

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: "those soft, shuddering breaths taken after crying."

The wall of grief hit her unexpectedly today. One minute Nile was sautéing chopped onions and garlic in a pan, humming along to her music, when something about the combination of the song and the familiar smells of cooking just made her go weak.

She turned off the stove abruptly, set down the spoon, and rushed outside to the bare concrete deck, where she put her head on her knees and tried to breathe deeply. But she was crying. _Fuck._

How long she was out there, she didn’t know. Which exact memories were hitting her, she couldn’t say. It felt as overwhelming as Quynh drowning in her dreams. But for better or worse, these feelings were something Nile now had to learn to live with. 

Eventually the door opened. Nile inhaled deeply through her nose before slowly raising her head, wiping off wet cheeks with both hands. There was nothing embarrassing about crying, but sometimes you wanted to be alone to do it. 

To her great surprise it was Andy, holding a steaming mug of something. “Hey,” she said, extending one arm for Nile to warily accept. Hot chocolate, with those freeze-dried mini marshmallows that tasted like granulated sugar.

Nile took a sip. It was cloyingly sweet, richly chocolatey, and obviously spiked. Probably vodka, but just enough so that she could barely taste it.

“It’s good,” she allowed in a tiny voice, her obvious surprise making Andy smile wryly. 

“Powdered food’s my specialty,” Andy told her, and Nile felt the corner of her mouth lift slightly in return. 

“That so.” The lump in her throat made it hard to say too much, and she still felt on the precipice of another flood of tears. She rocked back and forth a little bit and took another sip.

“You want to be alone?” Andy asked, and Nile shook her head and moved over a few inches on the dirty concrete, wiping under one eye to clear away residual tears. Andy settled down next to Nile and rested her head back against the side of the house.

It was maybe the first time she’d cried in front of Andy, but Andy seemed so calm that she didn’t feel embarrassed.

“Crying’s okay, you know.” Andy’s eyes were clear and remote as she gazed off into the yard. “Grieving by cutting off your hair, painting your face, tearing your clothes, and wailing. Singing funeral songs. Those are all things I’ve done when I lost people close to me.” She paused. “But I haven’t lost someone dear to me in a very long time.” 

“What about Booker?” Nile asked slowly.

“Oh. Well.” Andy bit her lip, throwing her cheekbones into relief in a way that Nile shouldn’t find so damn appealing. Not now, when her chest still felt hollow with grief. It seemed like all of her emotions were mixed up these days and none of them were letting her rest. “I guess I haven’t figured out how to deal with that yet.”

Nile felt the lump in her throat rise again. She inhaled through her nose, letting her head fall back against the wood siding too. “Damn.”

Andy glanced sideways at her. “Yeah.” There wasn’t much else left to say. She reached out to clasp Nile’s knee reassuringly, her thumb skimming over the soft inner part in a way that made something in Nile’s chest squeeze hard. As she was about to pull away, Nile surprised herself and Andy too by putting her hand over Andy’s. Andy’s hand twitched, but she didn’t move. 

They both relaxed against the wall and stared off in parallel, something unspoken passing between them, something that Nile wasn’t ready to examine quite yet, but maybe soon. Maybe. It grew dark, and neither of them minded. Neither of them moved.

Nile took a deep breath, finally able to breathe clearly again, and let herself just be. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title from “Still Alive” by flora cash.
> 
> This is also on Tumblr [here](https://roseroadkingsroad.tumblr.com/post/629084146015305728/andy-x-nile-for-75-or-sansa-x-margaery-for-90-0)! I'm currently taking all prompts for these two.


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